so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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