He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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