Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
