I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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