If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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