I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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