Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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