Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
