Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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