found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
