plz talk dirty to me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
