He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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