You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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