i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jไger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
