It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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