it hurts more in the daytime
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
