# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
