So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ruined the universe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
