You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
