I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
