is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
