a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
