Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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