last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
