Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
