I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sext me about skeletons
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
