i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
