**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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