Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
