Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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