maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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