i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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