there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
