im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
