thus making me awesome and them whores
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
