Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
