no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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