I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
