420 ftw
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
