How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
