Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and she was petting her beer can
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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