How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
