Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
