At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize