dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
