farters have to be the big spoon...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
