Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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