I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
