i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
