Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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