So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize