dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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