Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
