Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
