I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize