Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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