I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
