Cold hands, warm shart.
We named our party play list daddy issues
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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