none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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