I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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