Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
