I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize