At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
