did you get engaged???
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
