I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
