Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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