p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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