we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
