My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
