listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
