I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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