Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
