yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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