you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize