Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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