His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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