Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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