Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
