Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
