Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
