Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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