So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
