i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
