??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
