I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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