He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
