i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
