You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
