I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
