i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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