She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
