One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
