A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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