You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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