don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
