So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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