I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
