Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
